I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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