Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
