i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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