none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
