i'm signing you up for texting rehab
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize