She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
