Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
