I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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