You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
