He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also, beer. Big fan.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
