Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
