plz talk dirty to me
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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