i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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