At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I am spending my child support on dildos
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
