I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Ketchup is God's man juice
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
