thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
