Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
