i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize