she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
