I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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