Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
