I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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