No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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