Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
