So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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