Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
