Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
