he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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