I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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