Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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