I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
