3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ladies don't puke and tell
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
