just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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