dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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