my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
