I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
