If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize