thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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