At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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