VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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