We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
