I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
