I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
