dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
