I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
