No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
