maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
