She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
