Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
