I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
