you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
