He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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