By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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