She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize