i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
