I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
