Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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