apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Two words: blizzard sex
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
