update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
