im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
