just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
