you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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