The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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