I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
