i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
