I will die if light touches me.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
