Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
