He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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