Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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