He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
