can u get pink eye on your cock?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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