Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
there's paper in my vomit.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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