what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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