Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
