I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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