she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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