note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
