Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
