theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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