the condom got lost in my hair
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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