This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize