I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
