I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
