Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
