I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
