now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
