dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
