Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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