its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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