She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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