is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
