Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So squirting runs in the family.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize