I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
