Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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