pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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