Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
God, I missed his penis.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
