i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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