i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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