Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
