im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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