a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
