i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
