Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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