good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
